There are a lot of books out there to help women get their ex-boyfriends back. They offer advice, tips and all-out strategies on how to win back his love. Most of the advice in these books is given by people who know how to get exes back successfully and want to share their advice with heartbroken women.

Don’t do it. Don’t try to “win back his love.”

In every breakup, one of three things has happened. Either you have dumped him, he has dumped you, are the two of you came to a mutal agreement to end the relationship. Whatever the reason, now you’ve somehow got it into your head that you want him back. Here are some reasons why you need to forget about that.

If He Dumped You and You Want Him Back

Are you really going to be that girl who’s so desperate she’s going to beg for love? Nobody is worth that. If the man you love broke up with you, smashed your heart into tiny bloody pieces and you feel you can’t live without him, you’ve got to trust women who have been there before and know that you can live without him.

He dumped you for a reason. It doesn’t matter why. He met someone new, or you two were fighting too much, or his parents didn’t approve of the relationship.

Again, it simply does not matter why he broke up with you. The fact is, he did, and there’s not a single reason in the world why you should stoop to trying to get someone back who doesn’t want to be with you.

Even if he’s “confused” or “having issues,” it’s no excuse for breaking up with you. When someone breaks up with you, it means this: he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

<b>Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?</b> You can’t make someone love you. People try all the time to force people to feel a certain way and they fail every single time. You can’t make someone love you. It doesn’t work that way.

Even if you do succeed in getting him back, you’ll forever resent him what it took you to do that. Getting an ex back is not like returning a dress. It takes away a piece of your dignity and your self-respect. And those are two things you should never sacrifice, especially not for some guy.

If You Dumped Him and You Want Him Back

Maybe you think you made a mistake. Maybe he found a new girlfriend and you’re jealous. Or maybe you think he’s changed. Here’s the thing: you broke up with him for a reason. Our first, gut instinct is usually the right one. Something inside of you knew that he wasn’t the right one, and that’s why you broke up with him. Don’t second-guess yourself. Trust yourself enough to know that you made the right decision.

The only real exception to this rule is if it’s been years. And even then, here’s a hint: people don’t really change. Their circumstances might change (people move, get new jobs, etc.) but the core of who a person is never changes.

So think about that before you make a huge mistake by trying to get back together with someone you dumped. You’ve been there, you’ve done that, and now it’s time to move on to someone new. When you’re thinking of getting back a guy you dumped, you might only be remembering the good times. Don’t forget about all the awful times that led you to break up with him in the first place.

Also (and this is important): It’s very unlikely that you’ll be able to fully respect a man who took you back after you dumped him. The balance of power is out of whack. And it’s hard to truly love someone you don’t completely respect.

If the Breakup Was Mutual and You Want Him Back

If you and your ex ended things mutually, then there must have been a damn good reason for the breakup. If you two ended things civilly, why would you want to ruin a respectful decision made by two competent adults?

And if you didn’t end things civilly, if it was a horrific breakup that happened while you were both in the heat of the moment, take a step back and think about why you’d want to get back together with him. In a mutual breakup, that means you broke up with him and he broke up with you. You both told each other you didn’t want to be with the other.

Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to be.

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